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Sunday, 15 May 2011

Re: Our Rebranding

Haven’t Webl Ogged for a while because there’s not been anything to Ogg.

We went to see Chixdiggit dan Landan. Mike couldn’t come as he was poorly. As expected, they blew our minds. Bezzie band I’ve seen for a long time. Let’s here it for Chixdiggit!

We went to Descendents dan Landan. Mike could come as he wasn’t poorly. I’m certain he would have rather been poorly for this one, given the choice. Major bummer all round. Please email me if you can ‘splain the point of valet parking in a multi-storey car park though. Is it as it appears? Is it available just to serve as a vehicle for the needless exhibitionism of a few outrageously wealthy people? If so, they may as well just put their money in the bin.

Speaking of outrageously wealthy people, we’re feeding the machine and spending more money than one could rationally comprehend by going to see Jerry Seinfeld in June. I hope he doesn’t Milo himself. That would be a disaster. Unless NOFX’s Eric Melvin is his tour manager too, of course.

Played K Fest a few weeks ago. Thoroughly enjoyable event. It would have been much more of an enjoyable event had we not been extremely late due to a closure of the M11 and the subsequent diversion. Sincerest apologies to Caves and Onsind for having to be shifted around on’t bill to accommodate us. Many thanks. Unfortunately, the delay really put a downer on our day. We missed almost all the rock groups. Sitting in a car for five hours will make a bland meal of even the most seasoned traveller, let alone us.

When you’re not really paying attention ‘Godzilla’ can sound a lot like ‘Bob Dylan’.

Enormous thanks also to Angela and Alf for re-jigging for us. The time we did get to spend was lovely. We played most of the songs quite well. Guitar was not interested in staying on tune. Sang all the songs (thanks Vocalzone, even if you are a placebo). Not only is the UV lighting a problem for those of us who spend our entire lives covered in extraneous cat hair and for those of us without plastic Martine McCutcheon nanny teeth (Fig. 1), the sheer darkness of the Fighting Cocks is also massive problem for dot markers on guitars. Mike and I will get LED dot markers like everyman bassist Mark King of Level 42 (Fig. 2), should we be asked to return.

Carl saw Richard E Grant when driving through Richmond. He also saw that robot from Big Brother (Fig. 3) getting petrol and Extra Strong mints at a garage near Earls Court the other week. Coincidence?

No more gigs at the moment. Please get in touch if you’d like us to come to you and play.

The EP is finally done and dusted. Mastering is booked for the end of May so will be available as an electronic thing early June. AT LAST. Hope you like it you guyz and if you don’t, just turn it off. There’s no need to tell the internet that you don’t like it. Use that time productively; tell the internet about something you do like.

We're also hoping to go back into t'studio in June to demo a few songs for the album, which is progressing well, thanks for asking. We really need to figure out a way to record that doesn't take us longer to complete than a human pregnancy. I imagine we'll put one or two of those up when that's done, given that we're getting tired of playing the EP songs already. How bands do it, I'll never know.

We: are rebranding.

To some, Men is an awful band name. To others, Men is a good band name. We are changing it because there is another band called Men who are from America.

When we originally decided to be known as Men, American Men did exist but American Men were a DJ duo. We thought American Men were far enough away from anything we, or they, were ever likely to do for it never to be an issue. No one has ever mistaken Africa the country for Africa by Toto or Africa by Lynx right? Well now they are a band with instruments and things and seem to be popular with some people. What they do is not something we enjoy and they are not an act we would want to be mistaken for. I’m fairly certain they have said the same about us. They actually have fans. Can you imagine if their fans went to see them but got us instead? It would be as disappointing as if the Descendents came and played two gigs in England and Milo lost his voice right at the start of the first gig. Everyone would go home crying, except Rob from Vanilla Pod who would be drunk on life.

An advert for the latest Ministry of Sound compilation ‘The Mash Up Mix Bass’ was just followed by an advert for an instantly forgettable branded paracetamol. Now that, budding executives, is how you sequence television advertising.

The problem is that band names, generally speaking, are either terrible or taken. They are usually a stupid, irrelevant way of referencing a group. We did try to see if there was some way we could just not have a name at all. Unfortunately, No Use For A Name was taken. Oh, and it’s terrible. Double whammy.

We’ve been through massive lists and couldn’t find that special someone we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with. Some choice names that I can remember were: Caucasian Dub Foundation, UR2, There There, INSX, Prints, The Artist Formally Known As Prints, The Artist Formally Charged For Passing Prints Off As Original Works, Lead Singer, Animal Lecture, Sean John J Paul Jean Shaun Z Feat. Jay Paul Jean John Sean,

After much deliberation, we are going with…

Big Success.

You may think it’s a good band name. You may think it’s an awful band name. That’s your right as a consumer. Like most businesses, we couldn’t care less about your rights or your opinions.

When you live in a world where some bands have set the band name bar as low as the likes of: (Spunge), Small Brown Bike, (hed)PE, Def Leppard, sunn0))), Scouting for Girls, !!!, Puff Daddy, Pisschrist, Get cape, Wear cape, fly, Puddle of Mudd, alexisonfire, Panic! At the Disco, Biffy Clyro, Limp Bizkit (I won’t even start on anatomical heavy metal band names), we’re pretty sure we’ll survive just fine known as Big Success.

We are now working to establish a pretty comprehensive social networking portfolio. Keep your digital ear to the digital ground for digital updates on the digital front.

Imagine a cat chewing chewing gum gum.

Look, I don’t know about you dear reader, but I’m now going to get on board this six pack of Creme Eggs, a massive cup of tea and a tearjerkin’ VHS and ride it all the way to Satisfaction town centre.

Best wishes,

Jem (for and on behalf of Big Success Industries).

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