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Sunday, 15 May 2011

Re: Our Rebranding

Haven’t Webl Ogged for a while because there’s not been anything to Ogg.

We went to see Chixdiggit dan Landan. Mike couldn’t come as he was poorly. As expected, they blew our minds. Bezzie band I’ve seen for a long time. Let’s here it for Chixdiggit!

We went to Descendents dan Landan. Mike could come as he wasn’t poorly. I’m certain he would have rather been poorly for this one, given the choice. Major bummer all round. Please email me if you can ‘splain the point of valet parking in a multi-storey car park though. Is it as it appears? Is it available just to serve as a vehicle for the needless exhibitionism of a few outrageously wealthy people? If so, they may as well just put their money in the bin.

Speaking of outrageously wealthy people, we’re feeding the machine and spending more money than one could rationally comprehend by going to see Jerry Seinfeld in June. I hope he doesn’t Milo himself. That would be a disaster. Unless NOFX’s Eric Melvin is his tour manager too, of course.

Played K Fest a few weeks ago. Thoroughly enjoyable event. It would have been much more of an enjoyable event had we not been extremely late due to a closure of the M11 and the subsequent diversion. Sincerest apologies to Caves and Onsind for having to be shifted around on’t bill to accommodate us. Many thanks. Unfortunately, the delay really put a downer on our day. We missed almost all the rock groups. Sitting in a car for five hours will make a bland meal of even the most seasoned traveller, let alone us.

When you’re not really paying attention ‘Godzilla’ can sound a lot like ‘Bob Dylan’.

Enormous thanks also to Angela and Alf for re-jigging for us. The time we did get to spend was lovely. We played most of the songs quite well. Guitar was not interested in staying on tune. Sang all the songs (thanks Vocalzone, even if you are a placebo). Not only is the UV lighting a problem for those of us who spend our entire lives covered in extraneous cat hair and for those of us without plastic Martine McCutcheon nanny teeth (Fig. 1), the sheer darkness of the Fighting Cocks is also massive problem for dot markers on guitars. Mike and I will get LED dot markers like everyman bassist Mark King of Level 42 (Fig. 2), should we be asked to return.

Carl saw Richard E Grant when driving through Richmond. He also saw that robot from Big Brother (Fig. 3) getting petrol and Extra Strong mints at a garage near Earls Court the other week. Coincidence?

No more gigs at the moment. Please get in touch if you’d like us to come to you and play.

The EP is finally done and dusted. Mastering is booked for the end of May so will be available as an electronic thing early June. AT LAST. Hope you like it you guyz and if you don’t, just turn it off. There’s no need to tell the internet that you don’t like it. Use that time productively; tell the internet about something you do like.

We're also hoping to go back into t'studio in June to demo a few songs for the album, which is progressing well, thanks for asking. We really need to figure out a way to record that doesn't take us longer to complete than a human pregnancy. I imagine we'll put one or two of those up when that's done, given that we're getting tired of playing the EP songs already. How bands do it, I'll never know.

We: are rebranding.

To some, Men is an awful band name. To others, Men is a good band name. We are changing it because there is another band called Men who are from America.

When we originally decided to be known as Men, American Men did exist but American Men were a DJ duo. We thought American Men were far enough away from anything we, or they, were ever likely to do for it never to be an issue. No one has ever mistaken Africa the country for Africa by Toto or Africa by Lynx right? Well now they are a band with instruments and things and seem to be popular with some people. What they do is not something we enjoy and they are not an act we would want to be mistaken for. I’m fairly certain they have said the same about us. They actually have fans. Can you imagine if their fans went to see them but got us instead? It would be as disappointing as if the Descendents came and played two gigs in England and Milo lost his voice right at the start of the first gig. Everyone would go home crying, except Rob from Vanilla Pod who would be drunk on life.

An advert for the latest Ministry of Sound compilation ‘The Mash Up Mix Bass’ was just followed by an advert for an instantly forgettable branded paracetamol. Now that, budding executives, is how you sequence television advertising.

The problem is that band names, generally speaking, are either terrible or taken. They are usually a stupid, irrelevant way of referencing a group. We did try to see if there was some way we could just not have a name at all. Unfortunately, No Use For A Name was taken. Oh, and it’s terrible. Double whammy.

We’ve been through massive lists and couldn’t find that special someone we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with. Some choice names that I can remember were: Caucasian Dub Foundation, UR2, There There, INSX, Prints, The Artist Formally Known As Prints, The Artist Formally Charged For Passing Prints Off As Original Works, Lead Singer, Animal Lecture, Sean John J Paul Jean Shaun Z Feat. Jay Paul Jean John Sean,

After much deliberation, we are going with…

Big Success.

You may think it’s a good band name. You may think it’s an awful band name. That’s your right as a consumer. Like most businesses, we couldn’t care less about your rights or your opinions.

When you live in a world where some bands have set the band name bar as low as the likes of: (Spunge), Small Brown Bike, (hed)PE, Def Leppard, sunn0))), Scouting for Girls, !!!, Puff Daddy, Pisschrist, Get cape, Wear cape, fly, Puddle of Mudd, alexisonfire, Panic! At the Disco, Biffy Clyro, Limp Bizkit (I won’t even start on anatomical heavy metal band names), we’re pretty sure we’ll survive just fine known as Big Success.

We are now working to establish a pretty comprehensive social networking portfolio. Keep your digital ear to the digital ground for digital updates on the digital front.

Imagine a cat chewing chewing gum gum.

Look, I don’t know about you dear reader, but I’m now going to get on board this six pack of Creme Eggs, a massive cup of tea and a tearjerkin’ VHS and ride it all the way to Satisfaction town centre.

Best wishes,

Jem (for and on behalf of Big Success Industries).

Fig. 1

Fig. 2

Fig. 3

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

I type from space, 2011 is the future.

Sweet angels of my lifetime (the two people who read this nonsense inc. Carl and Mike). Bon voyage!

So Mike and Michelle had a teenie weenie baby girl, Darcy Rae Wightman. YES! Well reproduced to all involved!

So Carl and Tasha had beautiful bodacious sweet baby boy, Milo Theodore Godbold. YES! Well reproduced to all involved!

All involved are very tired but are warm, well and loving life. Healthy, strong and very vimmy.

In addition, after nearly 10 years with a beautiful, excellent lady, I asked her to marry me and she said yes. YES! YES!

On a less life-changing note; re: the Men Sound Design Trio, Carl and I recorded some more sing a few weeks ago. Carl did well. I got fed up. We're expecting mixes of our extended player to hear this week. Can you imagine?

Looking forward to hearing those.

Looking forward to facilitating the hearing of those by other people.

We did two three hour practises (totalling six hours practising) in five months and played a concert at the Arts Centre Arena in Norwich City Centre. Centre. There were lots of people we know there. If a close friend asked me to describe it, I'd say something along the lines of "We had a really lovely time, were very silly and played several of the songs quite well. I felt the first four songs were played better than the last three. My singing was not that good on the last three because I peaked too early and haven't sung in a fair while. On a whole though, it went well, thanks". This Business is Closed played several songs and were excellent. Holy State played several songs and were excellent. Not quite as loud as usual, which was good. Sometimes they're a bit too loud for me.

Those curators of Twee Off events at the Norwich Arts Centre Arena know what they're doing and they think about, that's for sure.

One day I'm going to get Mike to take a photo of me writing 'For Real' on my arm with a Sharpie in the backstage bit of the Arts Centre.

You know, Carl never ceases to amaze me. He has the best song memory of any youman bean I have ever played with. He could remember half a rifffff we played half the time, half a decade ago. He's like that recreational activity that was popular in parks and on beaches in the 1990s where a ball coated in female velcro was thrown, by a friend, at a hand-worn circular disc coated in male velcro. The ball is a song. The glove is Carl. They just stick together, remembering eachother.

Mike and I, on the other hand, are hopeless at remembering songs.

So, as the old saying goes, 'the EP will be done soon, best wishes'.

There is nothing on telly.

Personally, I've had some difficulties lately. Aweek afore athe aforementioned aconcert, I was practising some technical moves with my favourite ornamental samurai sword in my drawing room when I rendered my little finger in blood and in a state of very near stitchworthyness. I was washing up in the privacy of my own kitchenette when I was a little heavy handed with a very quaint Kath Kidston mug whose ceramic sought to tear through my little finger with ferocious intensity, rendering my sink full of blood and my little finger in a state of very near stitchworthyness.

I think this Bruno Mars song may centre around unrequited love.

If that weren't enough, that night after the concert I was accosted by twelve vampire townies (chavs, what have you) who were baying for my blood, or iPhone (whichever the more revered by Cash Converters). So, not one to go out without a fight, and being a keen amateur physician and mathematician, I took a split second to establish the position of each chavpire and calculate the perfect 'one shot takes all' throw (think Charlie Sheen's character in 'A Beautiful Mind'). So, with all my might, I unleashed the most savage underarm throw the world may have ever seen (I'm not 100% on this, I've not been keeping track). One by one, each chavpire flinched in slight pain and ran away, crying. Unfortunately, the altercation culminated with my iPhone lying face down in the street. I had smashed my screen. I had just parked in Sainsbury's car park (Queens Road, Norwich) to get a few essentials when I opened the door and got out. I heard a light bash on the mottled tarmac. It was my iPhone. I had smashed my screen.

Life without my iPhone has proved trying, at best. The toughest struggle was the adjustment to the walk to and from work without my favourite Replacements, Jackson Browne or 70s power pop song for company, until one evening when I just snapped. I discovered the truth. The non-digital media truth. The real truth. I discovered the act of racing one's self to or from work. Faster! FASTER, YOU TALL, THIN MORON! I felt a huge weight had been lifted. It doesn't stop there, either. You can get outsiders involved too! Just the other day I had an imaginary race to the chemist with a young couple. I won. I gave them quite the head-start too. I am so fast at walking to work that some people I've asked haven't even seeing me doing it.

We are now putting a film on.

'the EP will be done soon, best wishes'.

Jem (for and on behalf of Men Inc.)